Money! Kids! Friends! Here are 8 things you must know before you say I Do.
Getting married is a life long commitment that requires an astonishing amount of negotiating, patience and of course, love. Getting caught up in the moment of an engagement is easy to do, but can lead to serious consequences. So, before you go crazy training doves to hand deliver your wedding invitations, we’ve rounded up 8 things that you must know before you say I do.
You’re Marrying Their Family and Friends Too!
Whether you like it or not, you aren’t just marrying your boyfriend. You are marrying their family and friends too. This means that you will have to put up with his racist Uncle Jim at Thanksgiving and smile as his Aunt Clara lets you know you’ve gained a few pounds. His Mom, whom you can’t stand? She’ll be in his life until the day she dies, so make sure you realize that before committing to a lifetime together. You’re marrying his friends as well. You can disagree with Mike, his best friend who always gets him too drunk, but he isn’t going anywhere.
Will You Ever Move?
Things often seem great when they stay the same, but what happens if change is forced? Imagine you’re married for a few years and you suddenly get your dream job offer… 500 miles away. Is your wife going to come with you? If the situation was reversed are you willing to pick up everything and move away from most everyone you know and love? This is something you must talk about
Finances are always a tricky subject to discuss, but it is a necessary conversation before considering marrying someone. Some people think that when you get married you suddenly pour all of your money into one bank account and life is great. Unfortunately, that’s not the case. Experts generally agree that married couples should have their own bank accounts as well as a joint account. Do you have an idea in your mind of how you want to handle finances? Does that mesh with your partners vision? Have you even discussed finances with your fiancé?
Kids or Nah?
Millennials are choosing not to have kids at rates never seen before. If they do decide to have children, it is much later in life then generations before. In fact, the rate of women having children well into their 40’s has doubled in the last 10 years. So, are you looking to have children or not? This is a serious talk you need to have with your partner as it could be a game changer for some. Is your partner looking to have children? When? How many? What if you are unable to have children naturally? Would one of you want to adopt? Are either of you willing to budge on this issue? The ‘having children’ conversation is a big one that far too many people overlook before saying ‘I do’.
Faith / Religion
This is something that is often overlooked but can become extremely important as the relationship goes on. Do you know how important faith is to your partner? Do they want a religious ceremony? Do they expect you to attend their religious services? If you decide to have kids, have you discussed if you will raise your child with a certain religious education?
Friends and Family Time
Experts say it is imperative to maintain your own relationships outside of the one with your partner. Have you discussed how you will make time for your friends and family outside of the relationship? If you’re expecting to have guys night every Friday, will she be expecting to join you? Does she think that yearly trip to Mexico with the fellas is going to stop once you’re married? Are you encouraging her to take that art class with her best friend? Friends and family are extremely important to us as individuals so its imperative that you’ve discussed how you will both handle time with them.
You will definitely need time away from your spouse. Have you discussed how you intend to make that happen? For some it could be a daily gym session. For someone else, alone time could mean a few hours playing a favorite video game. Whatever alone time means to you, it is something you definitely should discuss with your partner before you say ‘I do’.
The Wedding Ceremony Itself
While this may seem inconsequential to some, it is also a wealth of information on how that person feels about things in general. Do you want an extravagant affair with everyone you’ve met or do you want to sign the document at the courthouse? Have you discussed this with your partner? What do you think is a good budget for the wedding compared to what they imagine? Are they making the wedding more about showing off to family, friends and frenemies then simply celebrating your nuptials in front of loved ones? Knowing what your partner wants and expects for the wedding before you actually say “I do” could be a life saver.
We hope that you do some soul searching to accurately and honestly answer these things you must know before you say I do.
What do you think? Did we miss something? Tell us in the comments.